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If Your Two-Year-Old Was On Twitter...

by Corey Carter

Almost 40% of kids two and under have used a smartphone or tablet.  What if these kids took it a step further and joined Twitter?  Here areThe Top Tweets of Two-Year-Olds.

So wait.  Are you telling me my bed's not really a racecar? #thetruthsucks

When Daddy drinks from all those silver cans with the snowy mountains on them, he walks just as funny as me!

Just 10 more years and I'll be able to date Madonna!

I got your Baby Einstein right here . . . Pop in the new Motorhead album!

Guess who just drew a circle AND a square?  #NailedIt

If they didn't want me eating the cat's food, why did they put it on the floor? #stupidthingsmomdoes

Holy crap, Play-Doh is delicious!  #BestBreakfastEver

Just dropped a MASSIVE deuce, right after they finished changing me!  #ROTFLMAO

Just colored the sun purple cuz #YOLO!

I often bite and hit when I get mad, but man, even I keep it together better than @ChrisBrown. #idontneedrehab

I learned some new words from Daddy today when he tried to use the Obamacare website! #owned

I wonder if Mommy knows that Daddy dresses up like her when she's gone? #busted

#Boobs.  Am I right, people?

Every time I think I have it bad, I remind myself that my parents could be a @Hooters waitress and Pauly D.

So in another 70 years, I get to eat soft food and wear diapers all over again?!? #sweet