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This happens at almost every Metal show

by Terry Stevens

The only time a cliche is worth anything...
PHOTO CREDIT:  Tom Newby Photography, Creative Commons License
Some kid by the name of Jarrod Alonge posted this to teh Youtubes.  I guarantee that you've heard most, if not all of these lines at a metal show recently:
It's funny because it's true.  I've been to a few rock shows where the lead singer had a similar script.  I swear, at one show, the lead singer plugged the merch booth between...nearly...every...song.

Look, I get it.  You need to sell merch to live.  The thing is, we saw it on the way in.  Play an inspiring enough show and we may even buy some of it on the way out.  But hammering the crowd over the head with "Puh-leeeeeez buy r t-shirts yo!" every five seconds is a bit much.

I've bought a lot of T's at concerts.  I've never bought one because the band begged.  I bought it because I was blown away by the show.

If your stage banter sounds like the kid in that video, it's time to take a step back and reevaluate what you're doing up there come showtime.  Watch a few stage banter masters at work.

Frank Mullen of Suffocation.  CAUTION!  SOME NOT SAFE FOR WORK LANGUAGE!

Jesse James Dupree of Jackyl and Dixie Inc.  CAUTION!  SOME NOT SAFE FOR WORK LANGUAGE! :

This freaking guy right here.  CAUTION!  SOME NOT SAFE FOR WORK LANGUAGE! NO REALLY.  YOU SHOULD JUST GO HOME AND WATCH THIS WITHOUT THE KIDS AROUND:

Look metal bands, I love ya.  I really do.  You put a lot of time and effort in to your music.  You try to bring something original to the table with every song.  Make sure that commitment to originality happens in your non-musical interactions with the audience too.

Who knows?  They may even buy a t-shirt without you even asking.

(Big thanks to Johnny Blaze for sending the vid that inspired this post my way.)

*In addition to offering constructive criticism to metal vocalists, "Scary" Terry Stevens is the host of Scary Terry's Saturday Nightmare, a 3 hour metal show heard every Saturday from 9 to Midnight CST on Rock 94.7/102.9 in Central Wisconsin, online at www.rock947.com/listen-live and on your smartphone or tablet when you download the Rock 94.7 app.